Pages

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

My Life Story - From Within

Here's something I feel you should read...something I want you to read...then you get a better picture of where I have come from in my life...

I'm gonna tell ya my life story pretty much, so you can understand where I'm coming from in regards to my insecurities on different things...don't get me wrong...I trust you...just in the back of my head there will always be some insecurities and hey, it's normal...some of what I will tell you may shock you, but I know you won't run away from me...lol.
Now, where do I start....a dear friend of ours tells me that I shouldn't let this rule my life, but I guess in some ways it still does, and this is where I will need your help at times, and reassurance. I trust you will give me that much.
I'll start from the beginning, well from where I remember...I was born in Bundaberg, but soon after my birth my mother (Maxine), walked out of the hospital leaving me behind...so my dad (Bernie) applied through the hospital to have me released to his care, and then somewhere after that Family Services stepped in and I ended up in their care, and the care of different families. I don't know the full story of the hospital saga, but I only know what I have been told. The rest of what I will tell you here I do know for a fact, as I received my files from Freedom of Information and the stuff in there was enough to make my skin crawl...
At the age of 3years old I was in a car accident (I may have told you about this or part of it). I don't know who was driving, I know there was an article in the newspaper about it, and that remains in my file at Freedom Of Information. One story was that a white panel van hit us side on...I was on the side the van hit, and the back door wrapped around me...literally...glass had shattered all over me, and in my face...hence the now light scarring on my face. I also suffered a punctured lung and a few broken ribs. I was flown by chopper to Royal Children's Hospital in Brisbane, and was on life support for who knows how long, before almost having the machines turned off...somehow I miraculously survived that one.
At the age of 5, I fell off a log at preschool and broke my wrist..still hasn't healed properly, and boy, don't I know it in winter time? It hurts like hell! So does my left knee, which I chipped on the corner of a glass sliding door at the age of 18/19, after I went for a slide on the very wet and slippery verandah. Also to add to that list of accidents was a slip on the concrete at the town pool, in Hervey Bay many years ago...chipping my tail bone, and of course the two car accidents I've had...one when I was with Dad in the XF with the trailer, and the other was on my first honeymoon! Yep it started with a BANG! Literally...a 1990 Holden Statesman crossed 2 lanes came across and hit my poor magna (first car I had bought by myself) and the impact was bad enough that the car's front-end moved across 1 inch, and by three car panel beaters was declared a unrepairable write-off. Why? Because the front suspension where the wheel arch is was literally leaning inwards, and behind the wheel on the drivers side had snapped! My right leg was caught underneath the dash...but no damage to me was done...shaken not stirred. :)
Now for the harsher stuff...eww....for many years of my childhood and early teens, as I was living with Bernie, because he had fought the courts to get me out of care, and because nothing was proven at that time, there was no hard evidence that they could charge him with...the doctors reports all said that the evidence was misconstrued...how I don't know...I don't understand that part of it. How can you misconstrue the fact that a very young girl's hymen (aka virginity) was broken by an implement...not sure by what exactly, I know that he used his finger more than once, any thing else I do not remember that much...I remember this because it is scarred in my mind like an engraved word into wood. And even though I have had tonnes of counselling and explanations as to why he could have done what he did, I still feel hurt and scarred from it all...I try not let it rule my life, but I do...I know I do, hence why I question (and I will continue to question) the fact that no matter how hard this gets for us, that you will stick around as you say, til the end of time. All through my life, I have always failed at things...with my kids, with myself, with my relationships....not being negative just saying what I have failed in....but I will say that the experiences I have had in my life have in some way soften me, to the point of almost being defensive-less, and in some ways has made me stronger...within myself. And you must know that it wasn't just Bernie (my sperm-donor as I refer to him as, because in my eyes that's all he was...in my eyes, and from what I know...a Father has no right to do that to his daughters...it's just sickening.) Was also Bernie's best mate (2 of)...the one I told you about who stood in the kitchen of our home and urinated in his hand...he didn't touch me, I don't think, but his other friend, who was my primary school best friend at the time's (not Kat) father...me thinking that what they were doing was the normal thing to do, I went along with it...and the worst thing is my then best friend never knew anything about it til 15years later when she confronted me over it, coz the same parts in my files were blanked out in hers, and that's how we pieced the puzzle together, and worked out a lot of crap that we had both went through...what he dad did to me, mine did to her, and none of knew any better...neither of us knew, and we used to try and protect eachother...well I failed to protect her and vice versa. Kat is the only other person who knows my life story – hence why she is protective of me, coz that's all she and her mum did for me was protect me where necessary....even Mum and Dad Logan know the whole story, and why they have stuck by me through the thick and thin of it all...and why I feel I 'owe' them in some way.
Anyway..getting off that subject now...getting alittle torn up inside...understandable I know....but should never have happened.
Ok...RE Kids: Matthew as you know, was a product of my first boyfriend...we were together for only 8 months...we went to the same school and he was three years older than me. I used to hide out at his house, in their back shed (coz that's where his room was), under his bed, whenever his mum or friends would come over...I was fed two-minute noodles whenever I stayed there and trust me, was better than being at home with Bernie, where I was physically, emotionally, and sexually abused daily. I drank about 125ml of Mississippi Moonshine, ended up drunk from it, and yeah well you can picture what went on from there....I don't remember what actually happened...as far as I know Robert was the only guy there...but I remembered he called me a 'slut' because I didn't bleed after my supposive first time...(this I found out the next day)...I was horrified, that this had happened to me...I was only 15. And within a few days or so after that, I was sick, vomiting, blacking out, taken to hospital to find out that I was pregnant at just 15!! Not what I wanted. My doctor was good. She offered me the option to abort, or to carry. I chose to carry the baby (Matthew) to full term. Why? I don't believe in abortion, to me no matter how old the foetus is, to me it still has a heart, therefore is still a life...he doesn't know his real dad, all he knows is that he wasn't ready to be a father...poor excuse...but I tried to be the best mum I could be for him, for at-least the first 6 years of his life, when I realised I wasn't able to give him what I felt he needed from me..I didn't know how too. I was 16 when I had Matthew. But while I was pregnant with him, I went through a phase of suicide. I tried a few 'ideas' to end my life to escape the pain of my past (the abuse), I've overdosed, I've sliced my wrists, I've drank enough alcohol that I should've been dead....passed out and taken to hospital and put in isolation to sleep it off, and then released to go do it again...and again never worked... I've tried even holding my breath for as long as I could...nothing worked...so I put down to the fact that I was put on this Earth for a reason. Brendan, was kinda planned...Chris was a surprise and Bradley (after Brendan I went on the Depo Provera Needle, and then again after Bradley)... was kinda planned too. Brendan was born with a lung infection, 4 weeks early and was whisked away to SCBU(Special Care Baby Unit), and put on many machine in a humidicrib...he's body temperature and obs were checked half hourly or so...was a fight for his young life. The thing that helped Bren to thrive was, believe it or not, my breast milk. Yep the hospital at Nambour allowed me to express my milk so they could tube feed him. So Brendan has had his fair share of rough times too...not as much as young Bradley though.
Chris was born with no health problems...and Bradley who was born 4 weeks early (hospital questions that he was maybe 5-6 weeks early)... was born 'healthy', but by the 4th week, Bradley had lost his sucking and swallowing reflexes, and began losing more weight than he was gaining, and then he had a nasal-gastric (ng) tube inserted, for feeding, because whenever he did try to feed, the poor little bugger would tire too quickly, and therefore not finish his feeds. He was lucky if he could drink 10mls by himself before going to sleep. He wouldn't wake up for his feeds, so therefore he wasn't responding to hunger, and spent a lot of time in and out of hospital at Hervey Bay, because Maryborough never had the facilities, and now I don't think they even have a maternity ward there now. Well when I was ready to have Bradley I was instructed by Maryborough Hospital to go straight to Hervey Bay, so yeah go figure. Well that was it was happy...so I thought. We had moved to Hervey Bay...because of the amount of time Bradley spent in that Hospital...it was virtually our second home at that time. Bradley progressed slower than normal, slower than an average baby. And still does, but he makes little steps of progress every day...and seeing that makes me happy.
I was working for Dial A Driver in Hervey Bay..and life was ok. I left Alan and my boys for our then at the time housemate...because I was tempted to something I thought was better than what I already had...I had my kids....and a partner who loved me, but I felt something was missing. Alan developed trust issues after I had approached him and confronted him about the feelings (I was being honest to him, as I knew I should have) and so we separated. Andrew (our then housemate) n I left town for Brisbane...to start a new life. We hit some bumps and ripples in our relationship and after we both went to his grandmother's place at Crestmead (we lived at Morningside), we separated. That night his Uncle attacked me sexually...i wanted to tell someone in the house, but felt no one would listen so I had to find my own way back to Morningside, where Kat and her partner (at the time) Scott, drove me back to Crestmead, as Scott wanted to confront that family and find out what the heck happened....all of them denied that anything happened...protecting eachother. I tried to get on with my own life, after that...but whenever I spoke to another guy who may have been a possible relationship, I felt like I was cheating or doing something wrong. Andrew turned to drugs...hardcore...he tried everything and anything, party drugs and everything he could get his hands on...ended up in hospital after crashing his motorbike, or pushing his limits with the drugs he was on...10 days later we got back together...I did it because I found out I was pregnant...with Delilah, after having Delilah I had the Implanon rod inserted in my arm...was supposed to stop me from falling pregnant...I was also on the waiting list to have my tubes tied....6months later I found out I was already 5 months pregnant, with DJ. My 6th pregnancy...so away we went again...had DJ and begged the hospital to tie my tubes...After all the begging 6 weeks later my tubes were tied, and I felt safe. Safe that I wasn't going to fall pregnant unexpectedly again. My body went downhill after Delilah, and then DJ. But even though the kids were expected, I love them none the less, just that I am unable to give them the love and attention they need. So I choose that they do not live with me. I love them all, I have contact with them all...I'm happy with that. After 3 relationship breakdowns, I was set in the mind that I was doomed, as far as relationships were concerned...all of them failed in some way and for whatever reason, and no one was strong enough to help me hold everything together. I met a guy Matt...5 weeks together, he got what he wanted from me, hurt me sexually...long story not going there....he lied to me, wouldn't change his relationship status on facebook, not that that mattered so much, but what did matter was finding out that while he was with me, all the times he was saying he was 'working', he was actually seeing other women for sex...telling them he was single and so-forth. So I gave up on men for a while...and turned bi...the tendencies are there but I am somewhat confused about it...I have been for a while...then I met Adam... :)

Well hope that didn't shock you too much :)
From Missy Maree xo

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Today...

Over this pain going through my shoulder....woke up this morning with a sore shoulder, which thanks to my man, Adam, had it massaged and feels a little bit better for now. I woke up this morning sick, and with thumper (a migraine) so slept virtually all day trying to get rid of it...worked...kinda.

Too much stress, and people chopping and changing their minds on what's to happen...we're meant to be moving on the 6th January...then we're not, then we are and so forth. OVER IT!
I try not to stress out coz I know it does me no good...but what else am I meant to do? I can't handle anymore stress...I am still very tired, drained and sore.

At the point of almost crying...but me being me is trying to be strong...and maybe that little bit stubborn.

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Saying 'Thank You' With Style...by Missy Maree

How to write a Thank-you card:



Think about it. Everyone likes to hear the words 'Thank-you' once in a while...Don't let your busy lifestyle get in the way of good manners.
Thank-you notes don't need to be a burden. They can be fun, sometimes for whole family. Thank-you notes are an age-old way of keeping communication lines between friends and family open and healthy.

DIY - Write thank-you inside the card - choose some nice, plain notecards or paper to show you genuinely care, and show gratitude.
Set aside some time to write - You don't want to rush through a thank-you note - It's meant to be an expression from the heart.
Get PERSONAL - Use the name of the person who gave you the gift or who did something nice to/for you.
Mention something you liked about the gift or tell the person how you plan to use it.
Include the kids - Encourage the children to draw a picture or to sign their own cards.
Would you like to know more about you can become part of our Card-Sending business please email me at missy.maree@live.com.au!

Thanks :)
Missy

Thursday, December 9, 2010

Our Friend Cas

A few months ago we met this wonderful lady on facebook. Her name is Cas. She has cancer...She has become our best friend. We have grown very close to her...and lately it has been rather close to her...and now we are both afraid of losing her. I have one other best friend who i have known for 18 years...But Cas is also like my best friend also..oh and can't forget a few other people...like my fiance Adam, who watches me everyday, and who makes sure I am comfortable. Thanks Babe for that. I love my family, and friends so much. :)

Cas...you will get better.. I have faith you will.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

We Hope And Wait

This is a poem dedicated to my Papa for inspiring me to write poetry, when I was just 19 years old...Love and miss you Papa.



Is there beyond the silent night, an endless day?

Is death a door that leads to light, we can not say?

The tongueless secret, locked in faith

We do not know,We hope and wait.



Is there beyond the busy day, a peaceful night?

Is life a path of right and wrong, along the way?

The love of freedom, in its own rights,

We do not know,We hope and wait.



We hope and wait, to see what each new day brings,

We don't know how or why...

We listen as each new bird sings

Watching as they spread their wings to fly..



Like our children, as they grow,

They need to learn what they need to know.

To survive the life out there,

And to let them know, that we still care,

We do not know,We hope and wait... 

Friday, December 3, 2010

RE: Darn YOU Pain!!!

Well today I was practically ordered to go to the doctor's to find out what the cause for this pain was...it appears to be illness related...yet another set back, but that's ok, I get knocked down, and I will get up again. :)
I love my awesome fiance Adam Ziemski, forever. :)

Real Greeting Cards On-Line - Quick, Easy, Half the Price !!!

DrinkACT: The Healthy Energy Drink!!!

Click on ths link to join!

Looking For Christmas Presents?

Christmas is LESS THAN 3 WEEKS away...Are you still looking for a Christmas present for someone?? Why not get them into a business which IS constantly GROWING!? Click on the above link, and sign up now! Need help? Email me at: missy.maree@live.com.au.

Regards Missy

Darn you pain!!

For the past 5 days I have had a nasty pain in my shoulder blade...massaged almost daily and still there...not good..over it!

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Music is my life..

I can't go through a day without Music, of some kind being apart of it. Music is my life...why? Because it expresses how I feel...and sometimes even the saddest songs are the ones to break my shell of 'braveness' so i will have my own time of being emotional too...after all I am human too. :)

$$$An AMAZING HOME-BASED BUSINESS OPPORTUNITY$$$

$$$An AMAZING HOME-BASED BUSINESS OPPORTUNITY$$$
Would an extra $200-$3500 per month in the next 30-90days part-time or fulltime make much of a difference to you? YOUR OWN GLOBAL ONLINE ENERGY DRINK BUSINESS!! www.drinkactweb.com/missy1981

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Doesn't matter what other's think...

It is what it is. I am who I am.
I’ve made mistakes and stuff.
BUT NO ONE IS PERFECT!
If you hate me, I hate you. I don’t care.
I don’t care if you don’t like me, to be honest with you.
...That’s just the way it is. I’m not going to change for anybody.
I’m not going to kiss people’s butts and so on and so forth.
THAT'S NOT ME! SO SORRY FOR YOUR POOR JUDGMENT,
MAYBE TAKE A CLOSER LOOK!!

Personal Training and Weight Check

Today I did a one hour session at MGM Fitness, with personal trainer Samuel. Usually I have the support of my fiance Adam Z. but not today...well not physically, as he had other important things to attend too...however my man did ensure I was awake to go to training, and I he was there in thought. :).
What did I do? I did lunges, squats, stretches, walking on the treadmill, weight training and even had a go at boxing!! That was fun...Sam said he'd bring the real fighter out in me...lol...not so sure about that one. :S.
But above all it was fun, energetic, and I even felt better afterwards. Waiting for diet plan and other info to come through to my email for me to follow, as I really want the extra challenge to do more to make me feel better within myself.

Monday, November 29, 2010

Questions Answered...

I am so over people who cannot accept the reasons for WHY I am not with my kids instead of being in a town where I can get the medical help I need...Well here's why...Would you want to have your children watch you gradually fade away to nothing every single day of your life?? Or Would you as a single mother, no matter if you had support of family behind you or not, keep your children in an environment where they aren't happy because you as a mum aren't happy or can't physically look after them properly?? These are some of the questions I have had to consider in regards to MY children...and as far as I am concerned, for those who cannot believe that this was not an easy decision for me to make, then you obviously have no idea. And frankly, you won't unless you are going through this yourself. I watched my own mother, fade quickly with this same illness (Demyelinatng Leukodystrophy), the last thing I want for my own kids is not to see that every day of their lives...it's enough to scar them for life...I know leaving them behind with their father, who DOES his best to look after them, and Grandparents for the other two, I know they are safer there than with me permanent. I still see the older ones via webcam chat every week, they read stories to me, and show me paintings and work they have done at school, so they aren't missing out on time with me. My younger two, I have constant contact via sms with their carers...why they don't live with me, is because I am not well enough to care for them myself. Some days i barely have enough energy to care for myself, let alone young energetic livewires (kids) as well. Next question...Am I working? I run two home businesses from home, as well as helping others through tough times. Am I a qualified counsellor? Not yet, however I have very closely completed my Child Psychology degree,as part of the study to become a counsellor. Do I give advice for the complex needs of others...no..I talk of my own experiences as that is enough to help others through. I love my family and friends and I will do and give anything to help them when they need me. I love my kids even though I can't be with them physically. And for the record the older two boys, know that their mummy is sick, to what extent they don't know that as they are too young to understand...I hate people who look at me as 'sick and dying'..because I don't plan on giving up on life without a fight!

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Bradley's journey Part 2

Here is the second part of Bradley's Journey...in this video you will see that there has been little improvement in this young boy's life. He still amazes people everyday...and always smiles.


BRADLEY'S JOURNEY.wmv

Here is the beginning to the Journey of Bradley Sorensen..our son who has special needs.


Saturday, November 20, 2010

Study

For the past 3 months or so now, I have been undertaking a course of study to become a Youth Counsellor. So far I have almost completed my first module which is Child Psychology..with having 3 assignments to go. I enjoy the course thoroughly, and I feel that this is something that I will be good at doing.

Changing Life

Over the past month, I have had a few life changes...with illness, family/friends, businesses, and relationships...some were/are harder to get over, and I may never get over them, but the important thing here is I have an awesome support team, consisting of my sisters Paula n Kat, my housemate who is like a brother to me - Dan, my mum Kazza n family, my wonderful fiance Adam Ziemski, and my friends who are too many to mention :).

I have come through some highs and lows throughout, but I know that each step forward I take, is a turning point of progress made. I try to thank everyone for being part of my life in some way, and I know now that I can never thank them all enough, or as I should be. I have lost alot of 'friend' along the way, but I realise they weren't strong enough to handle my worst days...and I am ok with that.

Looking forward, I have a new life instore for me...I may not know what will happen, or how it will happen, bu I do know for sure that my support people are beside me 100%, if not more. So for that reason...I willbe strong as I can be. We have businesses to get off the ground, study to complete (almost completed Child Psychology..yay! - Thanks to my man for helping me and keeping me motivated throughout), family to visit and maintian contact with, and so much more that life has to offer.

For now, my family, friends, partner my world... :)

New Focus Point..

Try It Feel It Love It

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Why me??

I have been ill for the past few months now, and not getting any better. :(
In comparison to my birth mother who also had this nasty illness (Demyelinating Leukodystrophy) I have gone down hill rather quickly, in a short time, which I am not too happy about - but what can I do? NOTHING. Except for cast my focus onto bigger and better things to come.
The past few months, since being diagnosed from this hereditory illness, I have been mixed up like a rubix cube, and at times very emotional. How do I deal with this? The easiest way I know how...and that is to be around people who can accept that I am changing, and who will always be there for me, and atleast mean it when they say it. The past few days has been like a part out of a horror movie...I have had hairloss, where my hair was practically dry and limp, and was unfortunately falling out in places, along with a drop in weight. Could this be me, fading away to nothingness? Hell no! Because no matter how hard this gets, for me or the people around me, I WILL be strong, positive and faithful to the bitter end. Why? Because so many good things are starting to fall into place for me now, and I want to see what happens to the what could be - 'fairytale ending'. In reality I know I may not have long left (from a medical point of view), but I want to make the most of however much time I have left, while I still have the energy (along with help from ACT Drinks, for the extra boost), and actually start doing something with my life. I have one, soon to be two businesses to focus on, I have a newish relationship which is blossoming and growing day by day, I have my kids - who I live for, and intend on visiting real soon. There is so much for me to do, that will keep me busy for a lot longer yet. I don't want/need people to feel sorry for me..that's not going to help me in anyway. I need people in my life now, who are uplifted, positive people. Yes - there are changes happening to me - but if you can't accept them as they happen, then sorry I do not have room for you in my life anymore.

Be inspired - Follow Your Dreams

September Update & Soda/Cola Drinks Warning

how to make $2000 or $5000 per month the easy way

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Join the revolution!!

http://www.drinkactweb.com/missymaree1981 <--go here to order

Missy's Mission: Welcome to DrinkACT--Join the Energy Revolution!

Missy's Mission: Welcome to DrinkACT--Join the Energy Revolution!

DrinkACT

Join The Energy Revolution-Days

Welcome to DrinkACT--Join the Energy Revolution!

ACT is a supplement breakthrough that generates super human vitality, which provides full body revitalization and super charges nutrient uptake into your cells.

Whether it's morning, afternoon, or at night, A.C.T. will keep you going or make you go. Plus, you get to experience what is being referred to by consumers as 'The Feel Good' product.

New Diagnosis - Demyelinating Leukodystrophy

About 3 weeks ago.. I was confirmed to have Demyelinating Leukodystrophy. This is an illness that affects the Nervous System, nerve endings and affects the myelin sheath otherwise known as the white matter on the brain. So far how it has affected me, is in the left hand I have limited use, and do occasionally get muscle aches in my legs, and arms. However, I am determined to not allow this to affect me as I have so many things I want and need to do with my life - watching my kids grow up and start high school, and completing my studies and become a Counsellor. I have great support in my life now, with my family back home in Gympie, and in my partner, Adz. I was supposed to go see a specialist at the end of this month but that had to be rescheduled so won't be happening til end of February in the new year. And also have a lot to look forward to in the coming year..so will kept busy, one way or another.

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Having a bad day

13/07/2010

How do I feel? I have no idea what to feel. I feel down, confused, about life, about wether I am doing the right or wrong things. I am constanting clashing with different people in my family - my partner, my children. I know I miss my little girl, but that's no excuse for this feeling I have. I should be happy....I'm going Manager for Dial A Driver in the next few months...a once in a lifetime opportunity for some - even me. I have never seen myself in a Manager position before. I just wish I was getting some support after all, but my partner says he's trying to adjust to it. What's there to adjust to? I don't really have a 'social' life as it is, so it's not like that's changing. I rarely go out. WE rarely go out, coz we have 5 kids and no one wants to babysit. So it's not like that's changing..kinda used to it. This is a change for me as well, becoming a Manager of something.

I should also be happy because my sister is coming up on Thursday. I haven't seen her in ages. Yeah we talk on facebook, but that's about it.

I should be happy - I have a partner who loves me, and kids who love me, but I'm finding it hard to love them in return...instead I am just yelling and going off at them <<-- Clashing with them. I don't feel happy about much anymore. Maybe it's another downward spiral I'm headin or something...who knows.

Posted by Picasa

Monday, June 14, 2010

My Kids

My kids mean the world to me...I know I don't show it at times, but I do love them, I guess even after having 6 children, i am still learning how to really love them....but how?

My Children

Sunday, May 16, 2010

Join me on Spidermetrix!

Join me on Spidermetrix where you can earn points and prizes.

Sunday, May 9, 2010

Cash For Surveys

Cash For Surveys


Get Paid To Do Surveys Online Over 580,000 Aussies. Join Today!

Monday, April 19, 2010

First days on the String

Well this is Day 8 of People String and already i have signed 3 up, + up to 280 People Points! http://social.peoplestring.com/missy1981/

Sunday, April 18, 2010

How Would You Like To Earn $10??

How would you like to get $10 free? Nothing to buy!

PeopleString The Social Website That Pays YOU!

It is a good site if you are interested in online money.Just build your string longer through your friends.And you will get paid.All you have to do is to read a mail everyweek from geostring thats it.Lets build our string longer. please join through my url

www.geostring.com/?1097804

Saturday, April 17, 2010

PeopleString The Social Website That Pays YOU!